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Oh yeah, story. Here:
Precipices and Such
The hard part is realizing where I am, perched upon the corner of something that I can't actually define yet want to define anyway, all I know is that if I'm going to go any further this would be the time to do so. Feel it, that's the sort of thing that you do in this situation, there's a tingling that starts at the base of the spine and works its way upwards, ending in my brain and exploding into a thousand different possibilities. Is it good to do this? Should I do this?
What was it my dad had said again? I wish I could remember, because it would probably prove useful in this situation; something to do with listening for a response that won't be spoken with words. What did that even mean? I should have asked at the time but now it's a bit late for that, here I am and here I'll stay unless I do something soon. Remember to breathe, slow and deep breaths that fill the lungs and clear the head. Neurons are firing, I can feel them firing now, I'm aware of the sparks jumping from one cell to the next, faster and faster and hangontightbecausethisisgoingtobethebigonealmost there.
False alarm, sigh and try to start again weigh the pros and the not so pros (there was a better way to say that) and think think think think—wait if this isn't done soon I'll miss the chance how long do I have again?
Frightening, that's the word I'd use to describe this situation, the whole future is before me and if I do something wrong now, I won't get to see it. What's the right decision here?
Why does this have to happen now when things were going so well before? Whence came the dissatisfaction that inevitably lends itself to this kind of a decision? I could try to run it down or up or whatever you do with that stuff—fuck it; no use worrying about how I got here there's just here and what I'm going to do about being here.
Close eyes, visualize the two paths and see which one seems best. Cutting across my consciousness, a slender thread telling me which is the right one but where the hell did it come from? My brain, an outside source, what? I know it'll be the right decision, because grabbing the thread brings back that tingling at the base of the spine, and the more I think about it the more it seems right, right for me right for you right for the whole goddamned world out there waiting to see what I'll do next (if they are waiting to see what I'll do next, am I that interesting is this important what will this do to the people around me?).
The world around me slows down, weighty with the portent of my choice. It's made, the very fabric of what my life was until this point has been irrevocably altered, until I make another choice and alter it again. The world goes back to normal, but I know it won't be the same anymore. There are things that cannot be undone, and I have just done one of those things.
Would I do the same thing again, given the chance?
Probably. Bacon on my cheeseburger is the sort of thing I could get used to.
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